I remember howling with laughter, back in the day, when "Saturday Night Live" skewered actress Claudine Longet with a sketch on the "Claudine Longet Invitational" ski shooting tournament. Here she repeatedly shot skiers "accidentally" as Chevy Chase and Jane Curtain provided commentary.

This sketch was a takeoff on her trial over the shooting death of her boyfriend, Olympic skier Spider Sabich, and I guess an on-air apology had to be issued by the show later - but the sketch was freaking hilarious.

This whole incident is brought to my mind every four years when the Winter Olympic Games take place - games that include Biathlon events. If you don't know, a Winter Olympic Games Biathlon combines cross country skiing - and rifle shooting.

There is something oddly fascinating about an event that is basically a military exercise being an integral part of games designed to promote peaceful competition and international harmony.

What's next, tank driving on ice?

Now, on the opposite end of the aggression spectrum at the Winter Olympics there is what is called Ice Dancing. While I applaud the skill it takes to succeed in these events, I think I'd rather see Ice Dancing and Biathlon combined...

...if you know what I mean.

Commentator Roger: "Simen Stenvik ran a very fast ski course, Bob, and he received top marks for his shooting, knocking off three skating couples with dead-center accuracy."

Commentator Bob: "Well, that he did, Roger, but that Russian couple took quite awhile to stop moving, which cost him some deductions."

Commentator Roger: "Yup, those Russians are tough."

(Please, no letters, Mom. I'm kidding.)

Now, to my mind there are two Winter Olympic competitions that are exercises in complete insanity - Ski Jumping and Downhill - and the jumping is probably the most insane.

It is inconceivable to me that people are willing to launch themselves into the sky on skis, putting themselves at the mercy of wayward winds, with their only hope of survival to land on a small section of slippery, slanted surface so that they won't impact with full force. A little too far to the side and they're "crowd-skiing," a little too far out and they smash into the flat zone like a ruptured duck.

This doesn't take into account they need to land, under control, on skis!

Frankly, I'm not even sure that Ski Jumping is real. I think it's CGI.

And then there are Downhill skiers.

These nutsos often ski at speeds greater than 90 mph, over a turning, humpy course where they are sometimes airborne. You have to figure they must simply be able to shut off all self-preservation instincts.

(I know you watch, hoping they will crash spectacularly. Admit it. You're probably the same with the jumpers.)

It is true that (again back in the day) I used to kid myself that I would race Downhill one day. My friend Stan and I would "practice" this going around the backside at Mammoth. I think we were actually bold enough to reach speeds of 40 mph or so. That is until the day my skis headed in separate directions at that speed.

Commentator Roger: "That's gotta hurt, Bob."

And that was the end of my Downhill period.

Now you might think I'd be amazed by the crazy aerial stunts produced in the Halfpipe and such, but I am absolutely positive these are CGI. The human body is just not capable of such things. Therefore, I am not impressed.

And the Bobsled? Aw pshaw - it's just a thrill ride. You sit down, close our eyes, and the tubular course takes care of everything.

Well, that is, unless you are Jamaican.

Finally, we come to Curling. This sport is a bit like bowling, on ice, except that your teammates follow your "ball" down the alley in slow motion. And your teammates sweep the alley as they go.

I cannot think of a more polite sport. In fact, Curlers are even charged with calling any fouls that occur - on themselves.

Curling has been referred to as "chess on ice," and it's about that exciting.

Commentator Roger: "Did you see that, Bob? ...Bob...? Wake up Bob."

Even so, Curling is riveting, if only for observation of some very strange behavior. But maybe I'm the only one who thinks so because NBC isn't planning any coverage of it locally. Maybe they will need it for fill if the lights go out at the Ice Dancing pavilion.

Any volunteers?

So, whether you watch the Winter Olympics for the sake of their beauty, the amazing skill demonstrated, the human drama or the potential mayhem, you just gotta watch 'em.

I will be.

Commentator Roger: "He's going for his 36th straight hour, Bob. Can he make it?"

Commentator Bob: "No! The eyes are shut - and he's out!"