"... Down the stairs or across the hall,
there's a modern day Neanderthal.
Yeah down in the cellar where it's cold and dark,
in a Barcalounger with a big wet bar,
and a 57-inch flat screen TV.
Never turns down the surround sound,
as he pounds down a few cold rounds
and kicks back with his "Rambo" DVD.
Don't have to shave don't have to bathe,
he can stay down there for days,
chillin' in his happy place.
His man cave."
From Stephen Clark's "The Man Cave Song!"

It's a phenomenon.
But it's not surprising.
In an era when men are expected to "be the man" but not publicly exhibit any of the innate behaviors that go with the title, they are creating places where they can act naturally.

When their living rooms are full of flower-patterns that no one sees because no one is allowed to be in there - and, in the den, lace doilies protect coffee tables where no cups or feet are permitted anyway - men are carving out their comfort zones elsewhere.

In the basement, the spare bedroom, the outbuilding or the garage, men are creating "man caves."

"What is a man cave?" you ask. You need only go to the Man Cave Web site, www.mancavesite.org, to find out.

"Man cave: n. A dedicated area of a house, such as a basement, workshop or garage, where a man can be alone or socialize with his friends."

But it's far more than that.

A man cave is a place where a guy can live like a bachelor, even if he isn't.

Here he can express his nature in a functional decor and where he can enjoy guy-stuff alone or with friends - stuff such as sports, war movies or video games on a flat screen, music too loud, cold beer at hand, exercise or a pool table.

But the most important thing about a man cave is that it's a place where a guy can be a guy - totally himself, with no influence from estrogen, or even civilization, if he doesn't want it.
(Insert "grunting" sound effects here.)

The man cave phenomenon has been a long time coming.

For instance, I have a good friend who, some 15 years ago, created his "music room" in an outbuilding in his yard. There he kept his hunting and fishing gear, guitars, stereo with vinyl LPs and, of course, a small refrigerator filled with beer. The women in his family called it "manland," and they knew not to go there without permission. They had the rest of the house to frillify.

Personally, I always wanted my own medieval banquet hall, complete with gigantic stone fireplace and overlong plank table where my "knights" could bang their mugs down without care. One of these days I will get it, but years ago I had to settle for an office I built in the garage. Now, of course, the office is filled with junk and I have the run of the house, but not the means to turn the house into one huge man cave.

But someday ...

As evidence of the man cave wave currently sweeping the nation, consider the movie "I Love You, Man," which only recently left our theaters. In the movie, a guy has turned his garage into a man cave, complete with beer and a full set of rock-band instruments, where he and his buddies could jam at excessive volume as they pretended to be Rush. Now, I hate Rush, but I loved the movie, and I definitely wanted to party in that man cave.

The fact the aforementioned Man Cave Web site exists is further proof of the trend. Potential cave men should definitely check it out.

There you can listen to Stephen Clark's "The Man Cave Song!" which I consider a must-hear. It is great. The music video is also available on You Tube at www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aLdced1joM. Send the link to your fellow Neanderthals.

As the ultimate nod to the man cave movement, the DIY Network has a show called "Man Caves." (www.diynetwork.com/diy/shows_dmcv/)

Here the hosts, Jason Cameron and football great Tony "The Goose" Siragusa, take on the remodeling of guys' spare spaces into man caves that reflect their personalities.

They've done a multitude of these, with themes from ski lodges to baseball, golf to gymnasium, and just about anything else you can imagine. They even built a man cave for Snoop Dogg that included - along with the several overlarge flatscreen TVs - some restaurant delivery menus and a working "Denny's Hotline."

But a man cave can really be anything, of any size. On the larger end, one Tacoma-area man did a $200,000 makeover on his garage so he could house his rare automobile collection.

On the smaller end, a man cave could be so simple as an empty basement, where guys can watch football games projected on a sheet (with ice chests, of course).

A cave could even be so basic as an easy chair facing a small flat screen in an otherwise empty room. The key is that it is carved out and recognized as "guy space."

So, whether you can afford to turn your tract home into a two story log cabin, or just get The Wife's permission to put a flat screen and a chair in the under-stairs closet (and a lock on the door), you can have a man cave now.

Why not ask for one for Father's Day?

Personally, I'm trying to get the "Man Cave" hosts to come out and size my place up for my banquet hall. We'll see how that goes.

jwalker@the-signal.com