Signal Staff Writer
mgasca@the-signal.com
Posted: Nov. 6, 2009 9:24 p.m.
There was a point in his life when Saugus resident Gary Crosslin believed he would smoke marijuana for the rest of his life.
Now more than 20 years later, Crosslin is drug free.
He is happily married, a father and a member of Grace Baptist Church who recently self-produced a CD titled “Tongues of Fire — Standing Firm” based on scripture from The Bible.
But 44-year-old Crosslin’s life wasn’t always about standing firm, his family, music and God.
It was while he was in the military and stationed overseas in Germany that Crosslin, a Saugus native, began smoking marijuana.
“I only had to do it once with my buddy and I’d do anything to get it,” he said. “I also provided it to buddies in the military. It was the closest I became to being a dealer.”
But getting caught twice and going through rehab wouldn’t stop him for long. It wasn’t until he was 28 — five years out of the military — that Crosslin decided to find a way to rehabilitate himself.
“It was eight years of using regularly which did lead to other substances,” he said.
It wasn’t coincidence that also at age 28, Crosslin fought for full custody of his 5-year-old daughter and won, he said.
“I stopped (doing drugs) partly because of my daughter and partly because of a bad experience,” he said. “I realized I couldn’t teach my daughter something that I wasn’t doing myself.”
After two years of recovery groups, Crosslin said that bad experience came upon stumbling into a self-realization seminar and way of thinking.
“I thought I was on a great way to being a good person and father,” he said. “Then I just became emotionally distraught.”
Ambien in the day and Xanax in the evenings kept him going, he said.
For two years, Crosslin had been playing his guitar after basically teaching himself. But no more than a month after his visit to the self-realization seminar, a visit to a total stranger’s house to purchase an amplifier led to a change that Crosslin welcomed with open arms.
“I bought an amplifier from a man in Sand Canyon,” said Crosslin, who at the time lived in Canoga Park. “He invited me to church. I was so topsy-turvy in my mind and not really understanding what life was about anymore, so I went with him to church.”
Crosslin said he knew about Jesus — as a kid, Crosslin used to sweep floors at Bouquet Baptist Church. But at age 30 and in the context of his past experiences, the meaning of the message he heard that day at church was different.
“I felt like Christ was my only help,” he said. “He was going to be the one that puts my mind back together and restore my thinking.”
Marijuana, Ambien and Xanax were no longer issues after he became a Christian, Crosslin said.
Crosslin began to lead a drug recovery bible study at his church and became a member of the worship team. With a renewed mind, Crosslin found a way to pursue a dream — his CD which he produced with the help of two singer friends and a music engineer.
“It took 10 years to write and two years producing,” he said. “What a great process of maturing. Friends kept telling me, (producing a CD) is about the process not the product.”
He also sees how that process ties in with his drug recovery.
“The recovery process is painful like songwriting,” he said, “but there’s a purpose in the pain.”
Crosslin said he learned the importance of moving through the process instead of trying to get around it by turning back to drugs or unhealthy relationships, he said.
Crosslin, who eventually moved back to Saugus, is currently working with a radio promotion company and hopes his songs can be heard on the radio.
“Whether I’m recognized in the industry or not, the fact that this is done is definitely a dream come true for me,” he said.
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